1. Learning to be diplomatic
in love
you may not have the kind of
marriage country singers croon about, but you can if you treat your partner
like a best friend and your problems as challenges requiring gentle diplomacy,
says John Guttmann, world-renowned researcher and coauthor of 10 Lessons to
Transform Your Marriage (Crown, 2006). Based on those two principles and by
studying thousands of couples at his Seattle-based love lab, Guttmann has
developed 10 love lessons that strengthen the ties that bind.
2. Pay Full Attention
Listen to your spouse when he or she talks to
you. It’s a sign of respect. Try to give him or her undivided attention. Also,
nod in agreement occasionally—it tells your partner you’re listening. If your
spouse talks to you when you’re in the middle of something important, say so,
and suggest a time when you’ll be able to pay full attention.
3. Learn to communicate
If you or your hubby is a
poor communicator, don’t just put up with it, says Meredith - being able to
talk openly with your partner is a sign of a strong marriage. “Develop your
skills – go to classes, read books, observe good communicators and interview
them about technique, ask for feedback, practice,” she advises. “Communication
skills enhance all areas of your life – home and work. Get cracking – no
excuses.”
4. Staying together
The skills couples need to
keep intimacy alive in a long-term relationship differ from new relationship
intimacy skills, and they're not obvious because people don't talk about them.
Most couples need to lower their expectations of romance and glamour and raise
the level of fun they have together. Regular weekly talks (I call them State of
the Union discussions) keep the problems minor, the resentment level down, and
the communication open, so that there is time and space for intimacy. In a
successful, long term relationship, passion becomes a shared sense of humor and
goodwill toward each other.
5. Watch Out for the Little
Things.
A family court judge once commented that in 99
percent of the divorce cases he presided over, the couples were upset about
very small matters.
6. Remember special days
Mark special dates on your calendar. There are
not that many dates to remember: mainly her birthday and your wedding
anniversary. But if you really want to be a super husband, remember the date that
you first became a couple.
7. Surprise each other with
little gifts or tokens of appreciation. This will make the moment even more
special. Gifts need not be extravagant or painfully expensive. It is always the
thought that counts. A little something
to create warmth and sweet memories.
8. Bitch to his mother, not
yours.
This is one I did read
somewhere in a magazine, and it's totally true. His mother will forgive him.
Yours never will. If you're a man, bitch to your friends. They expect it.
9. Buy yourself a sexy
outfit. It will make your husband very
happy. You are actually buying it as a
present for him, as he is the one who will ultimately take it off.
10. Touch him from time to
time. When he is busy, just walk up to him and run your fingers through his
hair.
11. Make sure your partner
knows how much you appreciate the little every day things they do, like doing
the washing up or making the bed.
12. Have sex. It can be as
often or infrequent as a couple wants, but don’t let intimacy fade completely.
14. Pray for each other.
A lot.
15. Praise each other in
public. Often.
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